Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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