So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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