dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
