so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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