apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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