I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
