Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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