I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
