Pappa wants mamma naked
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
