I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
