I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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