I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
