i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
