i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
