I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize