trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drunk is a universal language darling
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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