So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
