it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
