so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Plan B is the new Plan A
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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