oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
