I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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