I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
