your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
