You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
