Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I need help removing her.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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