He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
