I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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