I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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