I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
