you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
