If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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