You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
