I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
