I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
