i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The Olympian is in my bed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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