i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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