So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
