he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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