the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
