I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
