my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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