if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My first STD was from a foam party
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
