I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
