I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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