Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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