She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
