I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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