you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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