i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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