He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
