I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
