i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
