All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize