Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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