before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
