David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
