ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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