I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
