tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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