'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
bring money and cleavage
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
