I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
