I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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