nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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